Guest posts

Guest post: First love can be hell as well as heaven by Alicia (part 2)

Part two

Read part one here.

I met her at a disco, I was so shy and just too messed up to ever think of asking a girl to dance let alone on a date. But she got me up to dance, and it went from there. I had never kissed anyone back before, and that was me gone, I just melted, I was hers when after our first date we kissed. It was just the most amazing thing I had ever known, here was someone telling me she loved me, and I had fallen for her at the first kiss.

We were different, but it seemed to work; she was 5 years older than me, and was divorced. And had just finished with a man who treated her like property. She was broken, but they do say be careful if you take the thorn from the paw of a lioness. I made her feel better, then one day I gently took her neck in my hands to pull her into a kiss; something I had never done before. She just snapped, I can see now looking back the fear in her eyes, and she changed. At that moment she had decided that I would not do to her what her ex had, even though I never would have. I think he used to strangle her, amongst other things.

Then my hell started; she began to dominate me. She just kneed me in the groin for no reason, as I lay groaning on the floor I asked her why, she just said that I had to learn who was boss; I couldn’t believe what was happening, I though it was a joke at first. Now also retrospectively I remember some of her earlier “jokes” Like sticking me with a sewing needle in my bum, and telling me it had gone below the skin, until I was about to go to hospital. Coming into the room with a cup of coffee that she said was burning her fingers; to the throw the lot into my lap, after I screamed out I realized it was ice water.

Had she been trying to see if I would turn violent like her ex husband?

Then she would say come here, and I said why, so she replied so I can punch you in the groin; I refused after last time. A few days later she came up to kiss me, the threatened punch long forgotten; and I got the knee again, not a kiss. From then on she would tell me to come close and she would back hand me in the groin, or pull the blow up short as she chose, but never again did I refuse; it was the lesser of two evils type choice, but I still stayed. I loved her, completely.

The strange thing is, in between she was so loving and sweet, then suddenly brutal. This behaviour spread to our sex life, where out of the blue, she would find something painful to do to me, while having sex, and just say oh don’t be such a baby. I was young and a virgin with women when I met her, so I can’t say I was some perfect lover; but I did try to make sure she was happy in bed. And yes sometimes I would fall asleep after sex. But being woken by a tickle in my nose to find her there with a knitting needle up my nose, and have it remain there for some time, and me not daring to move until she decide to move it. Still I stayed.

by Alicia

Read part one                |               Read part three