I had never used a dilator before, but my physical therapist suggested that I used one.
I’ve never been diagnosed with vaginismus, but I suffered from pain during sex because of my muscles contracting involuntarily. I never struggled to insert a tampon or anything similar, but a penis, and even fingers, when it came to sexual play, were painful. Because of my past sexual experiences, my PC muscles would contract every time a sexual activity was about to take place, even when I was consenting. That led to my muscles getting tighter and unnecessarily contracting on a daily basis, even without any sexual activity.
It took me a while to realise that the pain was abnormal and to seek for help. When I did, I saw a couple of specialists, one of which was a physical therapist. Part of my treatment was to stretch my muscles using my fingers, so that they wouldn’t be permanently contracted anymore. At one point, she suggested that I get a dilator to help the stretching, but I wasn’t interested in getting one because the regular plastic dilators weren’t appealing to me.
However, after I got into sex toys, I realized that there were better options than the regular hard plastic dilators. I’ve quit using my fingers for stretching, because it was too much of a hassle, which means that I quit stretching altogether. I quickly started to feel the need to do it again because I began to experience pain again on certain occasions.
I am very glad that Come As You Are agreed on sending me a dilator so I could share my experience with you. Since I had never used a dilator, I had no idea what size would fit my needs the best, but Jack was absolutely amazing in helping me choose the right size after I told him a little more about my situation.
The dilator came in in a basic clear reclosable plastic bag. I also received two pamphlet with it, one on kegels in general, and one on dilator exercises more specifically. I absolutely adore the fact that Come As You Are send the educational stuff related to these devices along with the product.
After listening to Jack’s advice, I decided on getting the dilator in size #3. Unfortunately journey using this vaginal dilator caused me to finally get to write this review when it was long overdue, and the dilator that I was sent has now been replaced by another model of silicone dilators. The dilator that I received is no longer available, but the three bigger ones (# 4, 5 and 6) are still available, in addition to the new FUZE+ ones that they now carry. Both brand however appear to be quite similar, as they offer silicone dilators of a wide size range.
The Dilator #3 measures 3 inches in girth and 5 inches in length. It is made of silicone, which is super smooth, but also flexible. The surface of the dilator feels so smooth that it also feels like it’s coated with static electricity. This makes it perfect for easy insertion, as it glides in extremely easily, but it attracts lint like crazy. The dilator also has a base, which makes it suitable for anal dilation. It also makes it different than dilators with a handle.
Being made of silicone, the shaft of the dilator is bendy. This can be a plus for some people, but I find it quite inconvenient for what I use it for because it makes it difficult to stretch specific parts of the vagina by applying a decent amount of pressure on it.
My experience with it
As stated earlier, I suffer of unintentional vaginal tightening. My muscles are full of knots, and that’s what is causing me pain during intercourse. That means that for me, vaginal dilators aren’t really meant as a tool to get used to insertion as it is in vaginismus, but it’s used as a stretching tool to get my muscles relaxed and free of tensions. This vaginal dilator is both too small (in girth and in length) and too bendy for this purpose.
As I’ve tried using it to get rid of my tensions, which didn’t work, I ended up using it as a “regular” dilator, and surprisingly, it really helped. The dilator is very small, but to my surprise, when inserting it, I could feel every single spot of tensions in my muscles clenching around the tiny silicone shaft. The shaft being so smooth really helps to feel it. It is also so smooth and simple that it makes me very aware of how my vagina reacts to it. Also, unexpectedly, this dilator helped me with gaining confidence while having something inserted. It’s small enough not to be threatening, but big enough so that I still can feel my muscles painlessly contracting around it, forcing me to concentrate and relax them.
Because of that, I ended up using it when I was feeling tensed or before using a dildo that’s bigger than what I usually use, to relieve the stress that’s associated with it. This dilator did not do anything to my vagina itself, but it did a lot of good to my mind. I know that this is a big part of vaginismus treatment as well, and I didn’t think that I needed the dilator for this aspect, but it turned out I did.
When inserting it, I would first leave it there and clench a bit around it, so that my muscles relax a bit. When I was feeling comfortable and relaxed enough, I would thrust it slowly. The smooth silicone surface, combined with lube makes it glide so easily, but I would still feel everything so clearly. When trusting it, I would practice to relax my muscles until I felt no more tension. This is no big deal, but knowing that I could do this was giving me the confidence that I neede. Also, this would make a practice and teach me how to relax for when i would be ready tohave PIV sex. In addition, simply knowing that I can rely on this dilator when I am struggling with penetration makes me so much more relaxed and confident about this all. It may sound silly, because I did not need to use it a lot, but owning this tool and knowing that I can always use it whenever I need it probably helps more than all I could get from using it.
Another aspect of doing dilation exercises which helped a lot is taking some time to reconnect with my body. Doing as indicated in the pamphlets allowed me to really take the time to feel my vagina, and to be aware of its reactions and tightening. Each session sincerely felt like a meditation session, focused on my vagina.
As mentioned earlier, I did not have to use this dilator a lot, but the simple fact of having it available to me brought me the confidence I needed. My muscles still are a bit tensed up, but penetration really got easier nevertheless, simply because of the mental aspect related to the dilator. I still feel that I need to stretch those muscles up, and this dilator is no use for that, but since I now have more confidence, and am able to relax nevertheless, penetration is not as scary and painful to me anymore.
Where to get it
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This dilator was sent to me by Come As You Are in exchange for my honest review. I also wanted to express my biggest and most sincere apologies for taking that long to publish my review, but also thank them for being that supportive and sex positive.